Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
