Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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