i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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