We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
