dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
