I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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