Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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