I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize