My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
