Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
