Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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