In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize