CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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