I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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