Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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