I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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