my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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