if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
