I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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