so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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