If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
