not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
