my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
