I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
