ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Rumble strips road head = magical
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
