ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
