yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
