he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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