i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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