Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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