Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
