this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
