We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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