just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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