Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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