So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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