you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im calling her cock vulture from now on
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
