Sponge bath it is.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
