lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
