wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize