You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
