I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
