Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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