ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize