Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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