so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize