I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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