70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
