JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
