that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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