Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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