I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
