One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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