sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
