why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
