I wanna bring you to show and tell
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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