Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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