Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize