she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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