what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize