i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
