look no pants
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
