I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
