you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
