i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
