I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
