i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
